How to learn "people"
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How to learn "people"

The key to learning people and emotional intelligence is empathy. The easiest way to build empathy according to Karaminder is by becoming very good at listening first.
Connect with Karaminder at @Karaminder
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Transcript
I do feel when I say I've learned people, I think another way this can be translated because I think different taxonomies we can use to describe different things.
And so let's use the taxonomy of EQ right? Like an emotional quotient of understanding. I like to think of it as a bit of a scale, from robot to mom. So you can understand there's a spectrum. And I do feel that when we come out of the womb, our IQ is stamped into our brain. We can push it up a little bit, push it down a little bit. But we're not building in a hundred points of IQ, right?
We are the way we are. But I do feel EQ, we can build that up no matter what level you're at and how do we do this? I learned it by being very good at listening. And only because I failed at it so much. I've made so many mistakes . I cannot expect every situation to be perfect. I have to love myself first. I have to allow myself to be flawed and I have to love myself to be flawed and have to be kind to myself. And I have to speak nicely to myself. How you start to talk to yourself in your head, that's also how you'll start to talk to other people, other human beings.
Understanding and feeling. So it's all about empathy, right? You could think of it, almost like an empathy quotient too. How much are you able to feel the other person's emotions, their feelings, their sentiments, and you don't necessarily have to feel the exact specific emotions you can say, I can't imagine how this feels for you, but whatever you need, I'm here for you. So you respect their feelings. I'm not expecting anyone to just adopt this because it is a learned practice and it just becomes more habitual over time, but it all starts with being kind to yourself. I remember this quote and I don't know who said this. Someone said, I don't need you to like me. I need you to like you. And I always remember that. Another quote, like, Hey, I'm single, I date that I always remember this in order to find the woman of your dreams, you must be the man of hers. So this respects that you're not just have these all crazy high expectations. You better step up if you want that, too. And so it's very much like the quote that is I think it's attributed to Gandhi, but I've also read that this quote isn't set by Gandhi, but something along the lines of be the change you wish to see in the world. So lead by example.
 

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